


A Glimmer Of Silver And A Dash Of Gold

by excessnight



Series: Instructions: Read After Midnight [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mindfuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:16:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excessnight/pseuds/excessnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony was young, Jarvis told him that he was smart, smarter than his father and one day he would do great things with his knowledge. If Jarvis only knew what it drove Tony to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Glimmer Of Silver And A Dash Of Gold

It was raining the day Captain Rogers was killed. Most people said that God was shedding his tears for the loss of a real hero and the world had to agree with that statement. Tony, on the other hand, never believed in a god and couldn’t relate. He couldn’t even cry, just looked pale and sullen. Like he had lost a piece of himself and he felt hollow.

Everyone knew what Steve meant to Tony. Knew that they had been together since the great New York battle with Loki and his army. It had kept them both standing. It had kept them both from falling over and collapsing and when Bucky came back, their relationship held them together. From falling into the pits of hell that they both knew was very real.

But Steve never knew Tony’s secret. Neither did Pepper. Or Rhodey. Hell, Bruce didn’t even know Tony’s secret and that was okay. Because it wasn’t about them knowing, it was about keeping them in the dark. If they never learned about it, it would make him all the more happier.

Tony was twenty-eight when he met Virginia Potts. He fell in love with her, but not in the way he fell in love with other people. He found her beautiful, interesting - she could keep a secret. But he never told her what Jarvis had told him all those years ago. He never told her his secret, he couldn’t trust anyone with that. Not even his parents.

When Tony was a child, Jarvis had told him he was smart. Smarter than his father and one day he would do great things with his knowledge. If Jarvis only knew what it drove Tony to do, he might not have said those things. But still, he never told Pepper. And he sure as hell never told Rhodey either.

By the time he was thirty, they still had no idea what his secret was. He kept it close to his heart and never told anyone. All they knew was that his ego was through the roof and that he liked to sleep with women. Other than that, they knew only what he wanted them to know. That he was incredibly smart, a little bit more than slightly vain, and always distrusting of others. Then Obadiah found out. He found out the secret that Tony tried to keep so closely hidden and through fear and sheer anger, Tony had to cut him out. Had to shut him up.

It wasn’t his fault, really. He didn’t _mean_ to do it. He had never meant to do it. But in the end, thankfully, Obi was seen as the crazy one. He was seen as the bad guy and Tony was safe once again. No one knew his secret and he was safe and Obadiah would never try to harm him again.

When he was forty-two and the battle happened, he met with Steve. And he fell in love. He was crazy about the patriotic bastard and he wanted nothing but to have him close. And keep him close. And when he found out Steve felt the same way, he was ecstatic. Keeping Steve close became something he sought to do on a daily basis. Until it started to scare Steve.

Tony didn’t understand why it did, but when he tried to talk to Steve about it, he brushed it off and stopped acting so concerned. So when Bucky turned out to be alive and Steve became desperate to have his best friend back in his life, that's when Tony became scared. He was losing Steve, and he couldn't have that. Steve kept him safe. Kept him sane.

He started acting differently at first, not eating and spending far too much time in his lab. He knew Steve thought it was stress and anxiety, which it was, but not from the same source. So when he started spending more time looking for Bucky, and then even more time helping him recover, Tony had reached his limit.

His parents had never paid that much attention to him. His father hardly ever around and his mother too busy with her own work. So when he was twenty-one and Obadiah told him that there was a car accident that had taken their lives, he couldn’t cry. He hadn’t really known them, just that his father left him with a debt. And a company he wasn’t sure he wanted. That was the first time he reached his limit. The second was when Obi found out his secret.

No one knew Tony’s secret and then suddenly Steve knew. And he was scared. Scared shitless and Tony knew it. So he had to hold Steve. Keep him close and make sure he told no one.

So maybe he had held Steve a little too closely. Maybe he had gotten a little too sick and Tony did everything he could to make sure he got better, but he never did. It seemed that the serum wasn’t helping him and Tony was scared. And then Steve went out one night and Tony found out he’d been stabbed. That was the end of an era, of the great Captain America, and yet Tony’s secret was safe once again.

_“One day you might do great things with your genius, Mr. Stark. But you might destroy everything you love, too. That is for you to decide.”_

And so as Steve was lowered into the ground and everyone around him was crying, the sky included, Tony was aware that he had killed him. And his parents. And Obadiah. And suddenly he was crying because he wanted to be dead, too. He wanted them to all know his dirty little secret.


End file.
